The “F” Word
Failure plus time equals a funny story!
The word that actors fear. The word that every time you even attempt to apply for an audition, let alone perform one……fail. You failed. You failed to get the role that may have sent your fame into the stratosphere.
But there is no need to fear that particular F word.
Throughout the world of acting folklore, many stories have emanated regarding people who got through auditions simply due to how they were remembered. This does not entirely mean it was due to their talent. Many’s the time when I have heard about the noted Eastenders stalwart Todd Carty getting his breakout role in UK children’s drama Grange Hill due to the fact the casting people remembered him because he was constantly trying to push in and skip the queue of hopefuls. It is stories like this that hammer home the idea that you must make yourself memorable in these situations.
Besides, even if you don’t get the job, the effort you made can still be remembered down the line and can make for a great story too.
A story that came to me recently when thinking of about my own fails (oh yes, fails — plural) was when I was in a situation that I’m sure everyone reading this has been involved in at some point — the group interview. Yep this story technically isn’t from an audition, but it certainly felt like one. Some auditions can involve groups of people working together to create something memorable (all while simultaneously trying to sabotage each other, but more on that another time).
This group interview was for a weekend position at a store during my time at university around the turn of the millennium. The store in question: Woolworths.
Anyone reading from the UK of a particular age knows exactly what Woolworths was. For international readers, Woolworths was a chain that sold everything: clothes, toys, music, video, garden equipment and, by far most importantly, sweets. Confectionary of a level so high it had its own brand — the Pick ’N’ Mix. Oh, to be able to oversee the Pick ’N’ Mix. Or, at a pinch, what made the cut for the CD bargain bin. This was the stuff of legend and I wanted it bad.
I managed to get an interview and found myself in a soulless building somewhere in the dingy streets of North London. There, a bunch of young hopefuls were taken through a series of tasks by a group of all too happy Woolworths employees who I wasn’t entirely convinced were anything to do with management. The smiles said one thing: the eyes told a different story.
We came to our final task. We were put into groups of four or five and were tasked with a memory challenge. The smiling management minions gave us a print-out of a group of illustrations. In the middle of the room away from us was a larger version of the illustrations but jumbled up. Our task was each to take ten seconds to memorise the illustration and then go to the large version and assemble it as best we could remember. We would take turns to do this until our ten-minute time limit was up.
How this would help with keeping the shelves stacked or putting prices on the latest chart hits is beyond me, but if you could tell me, then it would be greatly appreciated.
As we reached the final minute, our efforts were looking good. The big illustration was looking good as I approached with my final gambit into the challenge. As I took one piece of paper to place in its correct position, somebody on another team that was doing the same said something that made me laugh. Not a huge belly laugh, but a snort laugh. The sort of laugh where you find something funny, but only enough to emit breath from your nose. What happened next appeared to me in slow motion. The nose snort laugh breath exited my nostrils, push its way downwards to our assembled pieces of paper……and scattered them. I don’t mean moved them slightly out of position, I mean scattered…everywhere.
Time stood still for that moment as I realised what I had done. Panic struck as I tried in vain to put all the pieces of paper back in the order my group had done so well to assemble. Try as I might time ran out and our big illustration resembled my employment chances at that moment — a mess.
While my task colleagues did not begrudge the unfortunate events, I knew it was the end of the line. However, I knew I had to put a positive spin on these events. I could still be remembered for everything I had done correctly up to that point, So as we left, I turned to still smiling-way-too-much potential employers and said: “Well I may have messed up the challenge, but you’ll never forget me!”
Woolworths closed in January 2009.
I think they forgot me.
But they’re apparently coming back soon, so maybe there’s still hope?
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